Congrats.

How do we let go. I want for this to be the last time I ask this question. I wish to be open and honest, and judgmental, and sympathetic, but worry that by each word I type, that I may offend an onlooker, thus rejecting them from my own thought process.

Even now I am questioning every word I am typing and have already stricken the last several thoughts to have been typed from my personal record, still hoping I might remember them at a later date in order to use them to my advantage.

Self reflection is often the most painful prose that one must suffer through reading, unless they, themselves, wrote it, of course.

It is almost as painful as sitting through a 10 minute play by play of someone's painstakingly accurate depiction of a dream they once had where they were hopping from one mushroom to the next, chasing the dark, curly-haired girl that just so happened to be ingesting their heart. Not very fun to read, right?

I once thought that being self reflective was a step ahead of evolution, but now feel as though it is far more of a burden than a breakthrough. I felt that by being self reflective, you somehow had a better grasp on the next move from those around you.

Wonderful! You know what people are going to do next! Fabulous! What are you going to do next?

Me?

Yes, you...

I don't know, I was kind of relying on playing it off of your next venture so that I might create a slightly more complex, yet comfortable future where, at any given turn, I might be able to blame you for my short comings because I allowed you to make the decisions. They weren't my own, so how could it be my fault? How could you possibly blame me for our failures?

I tried to support you... So what that I didn't have my own future planned out... we were planning yours, not mine, right?

Nope. Can't blame me. You were the one that wanted to be proactive... See where it gets you?

Downtrodden and full of disappointment, that's where!

Why should I put myself through that agony? You fought for it, do you not want to bathe in the aftermath? Why should I indulge in the monotony alone while you get praise for your empathy?

Wait... no praise? What about from me? What about from your peers... is that not enough?

Oh, you want paternal praise, a job well done and a pat on the back.

Pat pat.

Did that help?

It must be the place. I didn't want it... but I tried to want it.

Did you really want it... If not.. who did you think wanted it?

No, I don't think they did.

Good luck with that.

Don't worry... I'm still trying and I still love you. I'm just simply losing myself in the process.

No worries though. I am sure one day you'll come around.

If not....

Such is life.

If so...

Such is life.

If everything but...

Such is... such is...